Message Board Post by Leah / 10 June 2012 (original thread link missing)
I got this email from another fellowship and found it to be really really helpful! Some differences between healthy love & addictive love:
Healthy Love… | Addictive Love… |
…develops after we feel secure. | …tries to create love even though we feel frightened and insecure. |
…comes from feeling full; we overflow with love. | …is always trying to fill an inner void. |
…begins with loving ourselves being the lover we think we need. | …tries to avoid looking at ourselves and always seeks to get love from that “special someone”. |
…is based on our ability to love and trust ourselves and hence others. | …seeks sex and romance outside, precisely because we feel empty inside, and don’t trust ourselves or others. |
…allows us to be vulnerable because we feel secure inside. | …is based on a shaky foundation. We feel we must protect ourselves. |
…grows slowly like a tree. | …grows fast, as if by magic, like those children’s animals that expand instantly when we add water. |
…thrives on time alone as well as time without a partner. | …is being frightened of being alone. |
…teaches me to value my own company. | …is tense and combative. |
…flows out. | …caves in. |
…creates a deeper sense of ourselves the longer we are in love. | …creates a loss of self the longer we are together. |
…gets easier as time goes on. | …requires more effort as time goes on. |
…is like rowing across a gentle lake. | …is like being swept away down a raging river. |
…is satisfied with the partner we have. | …is always looking for more or better. |
…teaches that we can only make ourselves happy. | …love expects the other person to make us happy and demands that we try and make them happy. |
…creates life. | …creates melodramas. |