There are many kinds of love addicts. To clarify, here is a list.
Obsessed Love Addicts (OLAs) cannot let go, even if their partners are:
- Unavailable emotionally or sexually
- Afraid to commit
- Cannot communicate
- Unloving
- Distant
- Abusive
- Controlling and dictatorial
- Ego-centric and selfish
- Addicted to something outside the relationship (hobbies, drugs,
- alcohol, sex, someone else, gambling, shopping etc.)
Codependent Love Addicts (CLAs) are the most widely recognized. They want to fix people who are damaged. They are loyal at the expense of themselves. They will suffer rather than let go. They feel guilty when they need to leave their partner. They are caretakers and providers.
Relationship Addicts are in a relationship, but they do not love their partner. Either the honeymoon is over, or they never had one to begin with. They hold on to their relationship because they cannot deal with being single, withdrawal, giving up on their relationship, or changing. They are usually terrified of being lonely. They may or may not be caretakers. They are addicted to the fantasy of “living happily ever after,” and do not want to admit that they need to move on.
Ambivalent Love Addicts desperately crave love, but at the same time they are terrified of emotional intimacy, so they usually obsess about someone who is unavailable or inappropriate. (more info here)
Torch Bearers obsess about someone who is unavailable for years. This can be done without acting out (suffering in silence) or by pursuing the person they are in love with. This kind of addiction feeds on fantasies and illusions. It is also known as unrequited love.
Romance Addicts are addicted to multiple partners. Unlike sex addicts, who are trying to avoid bonding altogether, romance addicts bond with each of their partners—to one degree or another—even if the romantic liaisons are short-lived or happening simultaneously.
Using Sex
Many love addicts use sex as a way of experiencing emotional intimacy for a short time. These love addicts also use sex as way of trying to buy love. For example, they will offer sex to someone in exchange for spending the night. This is different than sex addiction.
Switch Hitting
You may find that you have more than one type of love addiction. Many of these types overlap. For instance, you may be a codependent for years and then become a love addict. Or a love/romance addict. The important thing is to identify your own personal profile, so you know who you are. This will aid you in your recovery.
Cross Addiction
Many love addicts have more than one addiction because they have an “addictive personality.” They are not only love addicts; they are also addicted to things like alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, sex, shopping, video games, etc.. All of these must be treated as you treat your love addiction.
Original Wound
The core issue for all love addicts is separation anxiety. Once love addicts fall in love or bond with someone, they will do anything to hold on. They will often engage in risky behavior that can lead to health problems—even death.
But do not be discouraged. In Love Addicts Anonymous you will find help and a brighter tomorrow.